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Durin's Bane Vs The Seven Dwarves
This is the kind of stupid shit one can come up with and write during a single overnight busride. Middle Earth Vs Disney! The dwarves got greedy... They dug too deep... Intro (Heigh Ho, 0:00-0:50) The sun is setting on a work day over the enchanted forest, where deep within lies a massive mine; undiscovered by all except a troupe of seven dwarves who make their living mining away inside it. Bashful, Sneezy, Sleepy, Happy, Grumpy, Doc, and Dopey are hard at work today as usual, digging up and examining diamonds; when moving closer to the center of the mine, the clanging of their pickaxes grows louder, and their working song can be heard. Dwarves: We dig dig dig dig dig dig dig in our mine the whole day through! To dig dig dig dig dig dig dig is what we like to do! Happy: It ain't no trick, to get rich quick! Grumpy: If you dig dig dig with a shovel or a pick. Bashful: In a mine! Echo: In a mine! Sneezy: In a mine! Echo: In a mine! Dwarves: Where a million diamonds... Echo: ...SHINE! The axes continue to strike rock and the voices continue to strike notes as Dopey comes along to sweep up some diamond rejects into a dustpan. However, one diamond gets flipped too far and falls down a deep corridor, with Dopey chasing after it. When he catches it and sweeps it up, he looks up and sees a massive diamond sticking out of the wall; so big Dopey's hat flies up into the air from the shock. Licking his lips, he runs off and quickly returns with an axe of his own. Pulling it back so far he nearly swings himself off his feet, he swings the axe at the wall. The moment it hits is where the dwarves have finally dug too deep. (Mines of Moria, 0:00-0:20) The wall behind the diamond cracks, and soon, the cracks glow red. Dopey looks on in shock as the cracks grow bigger and bigger, and soon, an extremely loud roar echoes throughout the cave, stopping all the rest of the dwarves in their work. It's soon followed by another competitively smaller, but still loud, yell: Dopey's, as he runs out of the corridor screaming. The other dwarves stop him as runs by them, and try to calm him down as he gasps for breath. Doc: Dopey! Dopey, what's the matter? See did you wh...Wh... What did you see? Bashful: A monster? Grumpy: A witch? Happy: The queen? Dopey: B...b...bbbb...b...b...bb.... (The Bridge of Khazad Dum, 2:58-3:12) Before Dopey can stop stuttering, the initial roar repeats itself, accompanied by a fiery orange glow illuminating the cave. The dwarves turn around and see what towers over them; a giant behemoth of fire and shadow, with a devilish face and a stream of flames forming a makeshift sword from its hand. It looks down at the group and roars a third time, revealing fiery eyes and a mouth comparable to the abyss of hell. Dwarves: BALROG!!! Announcer: NO FOE IS BEYOND YOU! READY! FIGHT!!! Who are you cheering for? The Balrog! The Seven Dwarves! Draw! 60 (The Forest River, 1:16-1:36) The dwarves turn and run for their lives just before the flaming sword strikes the ground they stood on, obliterating all their wooden equipment. Now each armed only with a pickaxe, they run towards the entrance, with the towering entity lumbering behind. Doc: This way, this way! 54 The dwarves make a right and run through a wooden door, and while Doc runs over to a rudimentary control panel, the other six slam the door and try to hold it shit. While Doc cracks his knuckles and begins to adjust some knobs, their efforts are in vain, for a burst of fire destroys the door and sends them all flying back. However, it still buys enough time for Doc to pull a series of levers, adjusting an aqueduct system to dump water on the Balrog. When the liquid hits, the Balrog groans in discomfort and temporarily loses its sight in the resulting steam. 45 With a roar, the Balrog enters the room, ablaze once again, just in time to see Grumpy's hat disappear into a production chute. The dwarves fall out of the chute into a series of hanging mine cars over a vast chasm and begin to make their escape, until the wall bursts open behind them at the Balrog steps into the wreckage. 40 (Bridge of Khazad Dum, 3:16-3:54) Most of the dwarves scream in terror as the demon raises a fist, but Grumpy is not deterred and throws his pickaxe at another line of cars. It cuts the rope, dropping a dozen mine cars and their diamond payload in front of the Balrog as it leans forward, making him flinch, stagger, and finally fall into the abyss, with his bright fiery light slowly fading. 34 Suddenly, a flaming whip shoots out of the darkness and latches onto the cable carrying the dwarves; this topples them over and out of the cars, and they fall a short distance onto a ledge leading deeper into the mine. Bashful, Sneezy and Dopey are separated from the others, and their hats fly off their heads in fright when they hear the monster climbing up the chasm behind them. They turn around to see it standing behind them, and it roars so loud the very earth shakes. Bashful quickly pulls a feather out of his coat pocket and brushes it across Sneezy's nose in a desperate bid for survival. Sneezy: Ah... Ah... AHCHOO!!! 24 The sneeze fires with the force of a great wind, and while not enough to extinguish the Balrog, it pushes it back, allowing Dopey to take out a bar of soap and throw it under the beast's feet. This causes the behemoth to slip and fall over against the wall, cracking it and starting a small cave in. 18 Happy: Up here! C'mon! The three dwarves are rescued by Happy and Sleepy as they charge in riding on deer, running away as the Balrog climbs to its feet. The deer zip up a cliff, where Doc and Happy are at the top fitting a large plank of wood over a rocky fulcrum and underneath a massive Boulder, more than ten times their size. They finish just as the others arrive. Doc: All right, men, all together! 7'' The dwarves push down on the lever as hard as they can as the Balrog approaches their cliff. Small rocks fall from the ceiling as its thundering footsteps come closer, but the Dwarves do not waver in their efforts. ''4 With a last heave, the dwarves push down on the plank enough to move it and raise its end, pushing against the boulder. The boulder is removed from its lodging successfully, and rolls off the cliff down onto the Balrog's head. 2 (Silence) The boulder, however massive, doesn't do anything and merely bounces off the giant demon's head. Durin's Bane then looks up and incinerates the Seven Dwarves with a blast of fire, reducing them all to ash. K.O. X7!!! The Balrog slowly retreats into the shadows once again, its prey dealt with. The ashes of the dwarves remain to blow away in the wind. Outro (Mines of Moria Online) ANNOUNCER: THIS MELEE'S WINNER IS... DURIN'S BANE!!! Category:MP999 Category:What-If? One Minute Melees Category:Completed What-If? One Minute Melees Category:Big vs Little themed One Minute Melees Category:'Disney vs Warner. Bros' themed One Minute Melees Category:Joke vs Non-Joke themed One Minute Melees